Allow me a moment to beat myself up…
Bear with me…
Some days, writing is like a bank robbery. It’s scary and thrilling and everything is gold and free. Other days, it’s like you’ve been caught, and have to repay society for yesterday’s theft. Now you’re on the chain gang, hammering for hours, fingers full of blisters, and desperate for a sandwich.
Spirits are low at Camp Kondor right now. I’m showing up to the page every day. I’m pitching left, right, and centre. I’m speaking to editors and commissioners and advertisers, but nothing is happening. It’s hard going. I’m working the day job, trying to keep the house lights on, and the car from breaking down (again).
Part of me hopes that this is just a dip in my story, that there are uplands ahead, but I’m not going to lie…
I’m tired.
I’m really tired.
I don’t know.
At what point are you supposed to admit that it’s not working?
Maybe I should shut it all down and just go on long walks in the woods with my dog.
She turned six yesterday. She’s halfway through her life already and I’ve spent most of it writing books that less than a handful of people will ever read.
The maths are breaking my heart.
…
Okay, that’s enough of that…
Here’s the book I’m currently working on:
BLACK SCRATCH MAGIC (working title)
A horrific fairy tale in the vein of Locke & Key, a magical realist spin on Donnie Darko, a medley of home-brew time travel and mushroom sorcery.
When the depressed Reuben Bell cuts his wrist, the ghost of his long-dead father uses the open wound as a mouthpiece, hoping to guide his son through youth and young manhood from beyond the grave…
But the sins of the father soon catch up as they are chased through liminal corridors and non-euclidian alleyways by a parasitic entity hellbent on eating Reuben’s past, present, and future.
***
I am 65,000 words into this book and these last 25,000 words are painful and complicated.
I’ve been writing it for eight months now and I would eat Werner Herzog’s shoe to get this thing finished before the year is out.
And I’m not talking about Werner’s Sunday best. The fancy loafer he only brings out for family get-togethers and birthday parties.
If I finish this novel before the 12-month mark, I would happily tuck into one of his haggard old favourites, a walking boot he wore for a summer expedition to the sweat-forests of Amazonia. Bring me the shoe he had to peel from his tired, moist, fungal, alien hoof, and I’ll bring the napkin.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, Werner Herzog once ate his shoe.
***
Over on The Other Stories…
If you like my short stories, I’ve got four on the release schedule.
Photoshop Wizard (Re-Animated)
A remaster of one my early stories. It’s the one about the Photoshop user whose life changes after her shortcut commands begin to affect the world outside of her computer screen.
The Boy King & The Frog
For our TRAGIC KINGDOM series. I loved the concept of this series. The idea was to dip into those same stories and fairy tales that Disney made their bread and butter, but come to a much darker conclusion.
My story is about a frog that wants to snog a boy.
The Bommsy Tit
A surreal horror about a dog that goes into an agility tunnel but doesn’t come out the other end.
The Incomparable Freddy Red
An imaginary friend finds out that he wasn’t imagined up for playtime but for something much, much bloodier.
Speaking of The Other Stories, here’s some incredible fan art from Kristyna Plihalova based on last year’s Halloween special, The Toy Factory:
***
Five recommendations
1. The Last Of Us was fantastic, because of course it would be. Every episode had a moment that cut me deep. The ‘baby girl’ bit, being the deepest.
2. Before Your Eyes is a game that uses your webcam as the main input control. You play as a spirit remembering its life. You revisit memories of a pet kitten, a first crush. You see your entire life, from birth to death. The caveat is that when you blink, time skips. It could be a few minutes or years at a time. It is utterly heartbreaking. I couldn’t recommend it enough.
3. We’ve been listening to the Rivers of London books on our commute. As a former London nut, I’m loving diving into the singularly peculiar history of our capital.
4. Arrival has been without a doubt the best movie I’ve seen this year.
5. Peacemaker has been the best TV.
***
Here’s something…
Sometimes when I’m tired, I pour myself a whiskey, stick on some loud music, and mindlessly peruse my Pinterest boards. I look at the poems, the photography, the illustration. It’s beautiful. It’s like dipping your face into the cereal bowl of creation.
I find it helps.
Maybe if you find yourself in a similar situation, it’ll help you.
So…
Until next time,
Luke & family.
P.S. You can now buy My Dog Shits Cash as an audiobook. Every sale puts a treat into Alaska’s mouth. Cheers.